xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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