i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
