That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
