you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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