we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
