I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
