You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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