she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
