Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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