I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
