I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
