you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
