omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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