is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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