Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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