# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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