It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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