I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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