Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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