i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
