Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
