the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
