Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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