please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
