Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
