my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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