it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
God, I missed his penis.
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