Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
