i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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