I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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