we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize