just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
