operation harelip BJ is a go
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
