It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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