i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
