like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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