Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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