dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
