dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
