Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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