I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
