Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
