Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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