All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
