i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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