I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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