you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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