whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
