i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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