You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
