I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
be right there i have to get my cape
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
