I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
