OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
