I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
