I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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