Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
