thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
