I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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