I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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