my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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