Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
