I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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